We all notice that life isn’t easy. One person has these worries, another has those difficulties. We all have something. On top of that, there’s the idea that we must be successful and achieve something. And that’s absolutely possible. In my life, I’ve learned that taking responsibility has helped me immensely.
Everything starts with taking responsibility. Realizing that it’s your actions or lack thereof that have led to your current situation. That you do things wrong. That you do things right. That you’ve caused problems at work. That you’ve caused arguments in your family. That you partied instead of studying for your exam and therefore failed. But also that you helped your neighbor and made someone happy. That you… fill in the blank.
‘Yes, but some things just happen, right? There’s nothing I can do about it? Suppose it storms and my house gets damaged. That’s not my fault, right?’ No idea. Maybe you’ve neglected to maintain your house for years because you’d rather scroll through social media and watch movies every evening. Or maybe you did everything you could to make your house as sturdy as possible. Look beyond the obvious and try to see as much as possible where you can make a difference. Because then you can improve yourself. This doesn’t mean you should go looking and make up things you did wrong. That’s nonsense. You can only do right or wrong what you actually did or avoided. But see it as an opportunity to improve yourself. That opportunity comes more often than you think.
Of course, there are also things that you have no control over. (And don’t immediately think that this was the case for you and that’s why you are the way you are.) But even then, you still have the choice of how you react to it. Are you going to complain about it? Are you going to say for years, ‘if only this hadn’t happened,’ ‘if I had done this…, then I would have…,’ ‘it was because of…’? Then you’re avoiding reality. Then you’re not taking responsibility.
Taking responsibility consists of two steps:
- Acceptance of the current situation
- Bringing change to the current situation
First, you must be able to admit that the current situation is as it is. That it has happened and there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Acceptance does NOT mean approval, but recognizing that it is so. If you don’t accept it, you’re not going to change anything, because why would you? You can’t do anything about it anyway, right? That’s why it’s so dangerous not to take responsibility: you will always remain stuck in the old situation.
Telling someone with problems that he or she must take responsibility is not harsh, blunt, or insensitive. It’s one of the best things you can say. Someone with problems will stay in the problems if they don’t take responsibility. That is truly harsh. It can actually feel liberating to take responsibility. At first, that person felt powerless, after all, they couldn’t do anything about it, but finally, now they can do something about it. It is their choice how they respond to their problems.
And that is the second step of taking responsibility: bringing change to the current situation. Once you’ve accepted that your situation is as it is, you can start thinking about what you can change. Look up stories of other people who have walked the path before you. Are you poor? Look at how poor people became successful. Are you slacking off in your studies? Look at students who slacked off but eventually committed to passing. But most importantly: look into your own mind. What do you want? What do you find annoying about the current situation? What would you wish for? How could you achieve that?
Taking responsibility commands respect. What do you think of someone who, instead of owning up to their mistake, makes an excuse? It might be meant as a joke, but there’s a grain of truth in every joke. What do you think of someone who, after making a mistake, says, ‘You’re absolutely right. That was my fault. Thank you for pointing it out. I will work on it.’ Personally, I have a lot of respect for the latter person. And responsibility is not mainly about gaining respect from others. No, it’s about self-respect. You have the courage to look yourself in the eye, confront your own problems and fears, and admit it. You’re going to work on it. You no longer feel worthless, burdened with problems, and running away from them. No, you face them head-on and confront them.
That’s taking responsibility. Having respect for yourself. What can you change?